How Long Should Family Stay at Your House?

The ideal amount of time a family member should stay is three days and two nights. 

Anything over a week will be too exhausting and stressful for everyone. It is best to minimize the disruption of everyone’s lives.

Most of the time you have people over is during the festivities, around Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

A guest is anyone who comes to visit your home. It could be a family member or a friend.

Circumstances can happen to anyone. A sudden job loss. A tree crashing on your roof. Or a fire destroys your belongings.

These are the times to turn to family members. For a place to lay down your head. For a restful night’s sleep.

However, if your stay is going to be more than two weeks, you should offer rent money. Chipping on food and cooking.

Offer to pay the gas light bill or the water bill if you are short on funding. Offer to assist with the house cleaning. The laundry or walking the dog. Or mowing the lawn.

This is a way to show gratitude. If you do not demonstrate gratitude, this family member has the right to put you out.

What happens when guests make themselves feel at home? A little too literally. 

From helping themselves to contents in the fridge. To them walking around the house in muddy shoes. Or leaving dirty plates on the table.

To politely ask guests to leave. Especially after eating dinner together and it’s already past bedtime. Ask them if they would like a cup of coffee. Then make it and give it to them in a takeaway cup.

You might as well show signs of getting tired, like yawning. Then talk about the early morning you have the next day. 

Ask your loved ones to save you. You can have a code with them so that they can make an excuse for you. Maybe an appointment that you forgot about.

Another polite way to ask guests to leave is to start cleaning up. Clear out the dishes they have used. While talking about the next time you are going to see them.

When guests overstay, they are taking advantage of your time and energy. To stop such behavior, create boundaries. Especially if they routinely keep crossing the line.

Once they get comfortable extending their stay, they will ask for other things. Like buying them clothes or fixing their car. As well as feeling entitled.

Be careful about long-term visitors. It is okay for people to come to see you and even spend a few weeks at your home. 

However, if you are not careful, you are looking for trouble, especially if you are young in marriage. Not more than 5 years old.

The same case applies if you have toddlers. The best time to have a family member over for a long period is when you are older. And your children are older.

The reason being when you are still young into marriage. You are still figuring out which way to go. Still learning new things about each other.

Doing this with guests around. Will make them feel entitled to give an opinion. Which, in most cases, will end up creating more trouble.

This also applies to the type of lifestyle you have. Maybe having the same meal all through the day is okay with you. But with the guests over, they will start creating a narrative.

Of things, they know nothing about. For example, your finances. They will start asking questions about how you raise your children. As well as grumbling about that one type of food.

They will start to gauge whether or not you cook enough for your husband. Whether they spend enough time at home. And before you know it, everyone in your family knows about your business.

Boundaries will help protect your family from negativity affecting your physical and mental health.

Begin by meeting them for short periods at once, instead of inviting them over to your place. Suggest meeting at a restaurant instead.

When they are in town for a couple of days, book them an Airbnb for their stay. Or request another relative to host them this time around.  

If the last resort happens is for them to come to your place. Ensure you both agree on the amount of time they are staying. 

Make it clear and precise from the word go. How long you can afford to accommodate them. As well as what they should expect. 

While asking someone to leave. Determine why you want them to leave. Be clear with your reasoning before diving into that conversation.

Review any agreements you made when they moved in and any promises that might have been made or broken.

Access the situation and their current behavior. To be able to ground your reasoning in facts.  Concrete on the details.

Like them not cleaning up after themselves, or they have stayed way past the time agreed. Maybe not chipping in on bills as agreed.

Speak with a reasonable and respectful tone of voice. However, you might be feeling violated, fed up, and tired. It is important not to explode and make unreasonable demands.

Lay out your reasons why you want them to leave. While letting them know you understand how hard it is on their end. Always stick to facts.

While giving detailed impersonal examples of why they need to leave. If they are a constant source of issues. Let them know of each incident and the day. Their opinion was not welcomed.

Provide a firm date that they need to leave by. Telling them that they must leave that night might cause a lot of tension. At the same time, they might not have anywhere to go.

In general, try to give at least one or two weeks. Or by the end of the month. So that they have time to prepare for their next move.

Seek out information on alternatives as a good gesture. If you have the resources, compile some ideas to help your guest’s relocating process.

You can even bring this with you to the discussion. Letting them know that they need to leave. But there are options available.

They may reject your ideas. But showing that you still care about their well-being. It might soften the blow.

Be firm, clear, and consistent about your decision once you have decided to put them out. Hold your ground.

This conversation might get messy. And emotions might flare up no matter how prepared you are.

If the guests can change your mind about leaving. It will give them the leeway to break the rules and promises without ever-changing.

Understand that asking them to leave might damage the relationship. It might also lead to lingering hard feelings. Be emotionally prepared.

On the other hand, keeping them in your house for too long. It might damage the relationship, especially if you don’t see eye to eye on key things.

You can also get rid of the privileges they have. For example, the TV cable or stop getting them the snacks they like. Cook the healthy meals that they don’t like. Change the Wifi password.

Another way to set boundaries with family members is to avoid giving explanations. Like why you prefer things to be done in a certain way in your house.

These are things that they should understand on their own. The more explanations you give. The more they will continue crossing the line.

Learn to withhold information. Toxic family members have a way of turning your words. As well as your most personal experiences against you. 

Keep the conversations light and general. You can talk about movies or books. Avoid political discussions that might lead to arguments.

Teach them that you are not always available by not helping them in every crisis. This is how you can cut out the codependency levels.

Once in a while, don’t pick up their phone calls.

When the family member at your house is toxic, take some timeout from the family member. Avoid spending too much time together.

Setting boundaries does not mean that you have to be rude. They may be more effective if you do it with kindness. As well as giving cues.

When asking them to leave. Be sure to keep in mind at least one good quality about them. Remember, you can’t change them. You can only change yourself.

Every time family members come to visit you. Let there be a timeline. Having clear boundaries is an indication of respect. 

As well as a way of communicating to people how you would like to be treated.

To avoid extra stress. Be careful of who you invite into your home. Don’t let them stay too long if they are good people.

When they stay for too long, they lose respect for you. You lose respect for them. You will not have freedom in your own house. And all your dirty laundry will be out in the streets.